How To Invest In My Marriage
How to Invest in my Marriage
Cultivating a Marriage That Lasts
Spiritual warfare is real. And ground zero is not culture, politics, or social media.
Ground zero is the family.
And at the center of the family is marriage.
The enemy is after the foundational fabric of society. If he can fracture marriages, he can weaken families. If he can weaken families, he can destabilize communities. That’s why our fight is not ultimately against our spouse — it is against the sin and selfishness that still live in our own hearts.
Remember the Foundation
We’ve defined real love this way:
Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.
And we’ve acknowledged a hard truth:
Our biggest problem in marriage is not our spouse — it’s us. It’s the selfishness that lingers in our hearts.
God’s purpose in marriage is not primarily happiness, but holiness. Happiness comes, but it sits on the other side of transformation. We were created by God and for God. Our lives belong to Him. Every part of our marriage is meant to be an act of worship.
Marriage is not an end in itself. It is a means to an end: becoming more like Christ.
And nowhere will you get a more realistic view of your shortcomings than in the intimacy of marriage.
How Does Transformation Actually Happen?
Transformation does not happen in three or four dramatic moments. It happens in thousands of little ones.
Last week we saw that confession and repentance are key. But today we look at another biblical picture: gardening.
Scripture often uses the language of planting, rooting, sowing, and harvesting. In Matthew 15:13–20, Jesus reminds us that what comes out of us reveals what is rooted in us. The real battleground is not external — it is the heart.
The battleground for your marriage is not your spouse. It is your heart.
Jesus, the gracious Warrior-King, enters our hearts to root out destructive seeds and plant new ones — seeds that will bear the fruit of His character.
In Galatians 5:13–26, Paul describes the conflict between the flesh and the Spirit. He lists the “acts of the flesh” — things like selfish ambition, jealousy, fits of rage — and contrasts them with the “fruit of the Spirit” — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Then in Galatians 6:7–10, we are reminded of a principle that applies powerfully to marriage:
You reap what you sow.
God is in the business of weeding and planting.
So the question becomes: What are we cultivating in our marriage?
The Garden of Marriage
I once saw a school garden in Yorba Linda that had great intentions. It was designed for beauty and fruitfulness. But it had been neglected. The soil was hard. Weeds had overtaken it.
I wonder how many marriages look the same.
Full of early potential. Full of hope. But slowly overtaken by neglect.
A garden does not flourish with one day of work per year. It requires steady, consistent cultivation. And a healthy marriage does not happen automatically.
It requires attention. Care. Intentionality.
Weeds to Uproot
Healthy marriages are healthy because the people in them have learned to recognize and say no to selfish instincts.
If we do not uproot these weeds, we will begin to use our spouse to get what we want. They become vehicles for our desires or obstacles in our way.
Here are some common weeds:
Selfishness
Always needing your way. Taking more than you give. Hurting in response to being hurt.
Busyness
Treating marriage as “what we’ll focus on when we have time.” Chasing success or possessions that cannot satisfy the longing only God can fill.
Inattention
No longer being a student of your spouse. Assuming your marriage is safe and no longer cultivating it.
Self-Righteousness
Your inner lawyer is louder than your spouse’s heart. Always right. Always justified.
Fear
Responding from insecurity. Expecting your spouse to give you what only God can.
Laziness
Avoiding hard conversations. Delaying needed change. Worshiping comfort.
Proverbs 20:4 warns that the sluggard does not plow in season and finds nothing at harvest.
If we neglect cultivation, we should not be surprised by a poor harvest.
Seeds to Plant
It is not enough to say no to weeds. We must say yes to planting new seeds.
Love
In Galatians 5:13, we are told we are freed to serve one another humbly in love. When we rest in God’s provision, we no longer need to control or demand. We are free to serve.
What would happen if each morning you asked, “How can I love my spouse well today?”
Joy
Instead of manipulating for your needs, find joy in bringing joy. Gratitude cultivates joy. Do you thank God for your spouse regularly?
Peace
Are you quick to forgive? Do you pursue unity?
Proverbs 17:1 reminds us it is better to have peace than abundance with strife.
Kindness
Were you kinder while dating? Many are more patient with strangers than their spouse. Plant undeserved kindness.
Faithfulness
Remain faithful not just physically, but in thought and desire. Jesus does not regret choosing you. With His strength, remain faithful in the small moments.
Gentleness
In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are called to treat their wives with understanding and honor. Gentleness is not weakness — it is strength under control.
Patience
Change is not microwave-fast. Bear with one another. Do not give up.
Self-Control
Do your emotions drive your words? Proverbs 16:32 says self-control is greater than conquering a city.
Plant restraint. Plant calm. Plant thoughtful responses.
The Harvest
Marriage is spiritual warfare. But it is also spiritual formation.
Every day you are sowing something. You are either cultivating flesh or cultivating Spirit.
The good news is this: God is the Master Gardener. He is committed to weeding and planting. He is patient. He is faithful.
If we do not grow weary in doing good, we will reap a harvest.
And that harvest is not just a better marriage.
It is a more Christlike heart.
Our church offers a variety of Small Groups with the Marriage Group being one of the most vital to a thriving marriage. To join our marriage group or learn more, fill out the form below.
-
Yorba Linda