Slideshow image

How Can I Pray With My Spouse?

The Marriage That Prays

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

Right in the middle of rejoicing and giving thanks sits one essential command: pray continually.

If we want marriages marked by joy and gratitude, they must be sustained by prayer.

Your marriage will not thrive without continual prayer.

Remember What We’re Fighting For

We’ve said this throughout our series:

  • Real love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another without requiring reciprocation or worthiness.

  • Our biggest problem in marriage is not our spouse — it’s our own selfishness.

  • We are not at war with each other; we are at war with the sin still living within us.

  • God’s purpose in marriage is holiness, not merely happiness. Happiness rests on the other side of transformation.

Marriage is spiritual warfare. And if the battleground is the heart, then prayer is our lifeline.

The Enemies of Passion: Comfort and Busyness

When we get married, we begin with excitement and intention. We assume love will continue naturally because it started so strongly.

But two quiet enemies creep in: comfort and busyness.

We move from intentional attention to casual assumption.
From active pursuit to quiet passivity.
From passionate love to functional coexistence.

Because we are busy, we don’t notice it happening.

Little conflicts go unresolved. Subtle irritations accumulate. Forgiveness slows. Criticism increases. The garden of our hearts fills with weeds instead of flowers.

Passion fades not because we intended it to, but because we stopped cultivating it.

The ingredient that protects our marriage from drifting into cold comfort and exhausting busyness is prayer.

Christianity Is a Burning-Heart Faith

Christianity is not stoic or emotionally detached. It is a religion of love and holy passion.

Think of Augustine of Hippo often depicted with a Bible in one hand and a burning heart in the other. That image captures something true: the Spirit ignites our hearts in love for God.

Love does not eliminate war — it creates it. We go to war against everything in us that does not love God.

God’s love for us is not lukewarm. It is fierce, pursuing, and faithful. He does not fall in and out of love. He is love. His heart burns with compassion. He hates sin because of what it does to us — how it distances us from Him and harms our relationships.

He is always wooing us.

Like David in Psalms 42:1–2:
“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”

We meet with God in prayer. And prayer reignites what comfort and busyness try to extinguish.

How Jesus Taught Us to Pray

In Matthew 6:7–15, Jesus gives us what we often call the Lord’s Prayer. Its depth is immeasurable, but let’s draw out how it protects our marriages.

“Our Father in heaven”

We are not alone in our marriage.

We are never outside the fatherly care of God. When we forget His presence, we try to do His job. We become overwhelmed, frustrated, controlling.

Prayer reminds us:
You are not alone.
You are not in charge.
You are not God.

It protects us from the pride of self-reliance.

“Your kingdom come, your will be done”

Marriage is bigger than your marriage.

Without attention, we begin building our own little kingdoms — demanding our will, our preferences, our comfort.

Whose kingdom are you pursuing?

You make a terrible god-king. Life becomes far less stressful when you let God be King.

Prayer reorients us toward His purposes and protects us from the tyranny of self.

“Give us this day our daily bread”

This line exposes something humbling: we are completely dependent.

If we would physically die without daily bread, what happens spiritually when we pray once a week? Or once a month?

Daily prayer acknowledges daily need.

We are not self-sufficient. We do not control the economy, circumstances, or even how others treat us. We cannot guarantee our family’s well-being.

Prayer reminds us that we need God’s provision and protects us from the illusion of control.

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”

We cannot pray this honestly while holding grudges.

Prayer forces us to remember that the most valuable thing we possess — the love of God — was never earned. It was given.

We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Prayer humbles us. It melts self-righteousness. It reminds us that grace received must become grace given.

“Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil”

Our greatest marital problems are not external.

It is not primarily money, schedules, or circumstances. It is the sin inside us that remains untransformed.

This line teaches us to stop blaming our spouse and start seeking grace.

As Paul David Tripp wisely wrote, growth begins when both spouses recognize that the primary problem is the sin within themselves — not the failure of the other.

Prayer reminds us that we have not yet arrived and protects us from blame-shifting.

“For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever”

Marriage must be rooted in allegiance to God’s Kingdom, not ours.

Life is not about us. We are not the center of the universe. Jesus is.

God is not a character in our story — we are characters in His.

Prayer re-centers our marriage under the reign of the true King.

Why Your Marriage Cannot Thrive Without Prayer

There is never a time in your marriage when you are not in need.

There is never a time when you no longer need His mercy.
Never a time when you have outgrown His forgiveness.
Never a time when you no longer require His grace.
Never a time when your heart does not need rekindling.

If that is true — and it is — then there is never a time when you can cease praying.

Prayer protects passion.
Prayer uproots pride.
Prayer softens hearts.
Prayer guards against comfort and busyness.
Prayer fuels forgiveness.
Prayer sustains joy.

If we want marriages marked by rejoicing and gratitude, we must live lives marked by continual prayer.

Because the marriage that prays is the marriage that burns.

Our church offers a variety of Small Groups with the Marriage Group being one of the most vital to a thriving marriage. To join our marriage group or learn more, fill out the form below.